We are now a couple of months removed from our last round of IUI to try to have our second baby.  At that time, it felt like everything that could go well for the fertility treatment to work was going well.  Unfortunately, it simply didn’t work.  I felt a little shock, a little mad, a little like God had lied to me.  Yes.  I felt that way for a brief moment.  That’s called being a sinful human. I KNEW God had given me the desire for a second baby, so I just didn’t understand the results of our fertility efforts.

Two months later, some pouting, and even more reflection, I understand and am reminded that God DID give me that desire, but his plan and timeline is different from the one I came up with.  I have to chuckle a little bit, because at this point in my life and walk with God, I know his plan usually is different from mine.  I’m just that awesome.  I tend to make a decision, get hyper-focused, and GO.  I like to act.  Get it done.  God tends to have to slow me down and remind me that I MUST go to him when acting and it’s on his timeline, not mine.  HARD.  STUFF.Bridge Journey

So here we are with a plan that didn’t go as planned.  But.  It’s okay.  I was able to go through what we call the stages of grief a lot more quickly than I did our first go around on our baby journey. Thankful that is due to a lot more trust in God and that I don’t have to see every step or even the big picture, because I know he’s got this.  That is a very difficult thing for me because I have such a strong need for control that I know I will battle my entire life.  So I’m thankful God continues to remind me he really is in control, I can let go, and that leaning on him all the time is the one thing I need to focus on and do.  I am thankful for the most beautiful gift from, Brooks.

So… If you’re a bit of a control freak like me… try giving it to God.  It works every time.

Cheers and Blessings!
April

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