I’m smack dab in the middle of some serious waiting right now. Waiting on some friends’ sweet babies to be healed. Waiting on the next chapter for my campus and work family. Waiting on the results of our IUI fertility treatment.
I’m taken back to the years of waiting for Brooks. Waiting on whether or not I would get pregnant the next month. Waiting on classes to show up on a schedule to certify for our foster license. Waiting on our report from our home study. Waiting on whether we were matched with children through our foster agency. Waiting on foster children that never came. Waiting on results from our very first IUI.
What I’ve learned, is the real lessons, the most important lessons, are all in the waiting. Not the end result. It’s the most difficult, yet most beautiful part of the struggle. It’s where the real magic happens. Where the transformations happen. Where the big epiphanies happen. It’s where we are brought to our knees and finally surrender to God’s will and the knowledge and acceptance that HE is in control. We learn that there are beautiful and perfect lessons in the sometimes agonizing waiting that He affords us. I can now look back and see it all and be thankful.
I’ve been told that there seemed to be a much bigger build up to the first time Chris and I went through our IUI fertility treatment. That this time so many people didn’t even know until they read about it on Facebook. That’s true. I guess I could say it’s because we’ve been here before, but really it’s because I’ve surrendered control and given this entire process up to God this time and, in return, He has filled me with peace. I almost can’t believe it myself. I’m a 100% certified control freak. (Sorry for those of you who really know me.) But this. THIS is all in God’s hands because it’s His will. No matter the outcome of this first round. I know we are supposed to be right here, in this place, in this waiting.
So I wait. And I seek God and I find Him and I learn. Only this time, I get to learn in peace and calm and confidence because THIS TIME I have surrendered. THIS TIME I have given up control and placed all of my trust in the only one who knows all and controls all. I can’t wait to look back and see what I’ve learned this time.
For those of you counting down… We should know whether this round of IUI was successful in about nine more days… Sorry for the wait. I promise to keep you updated.
Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels.com